COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:

Do you know what weekend this is? Of course you do. It’s Memorial Day weekend. Memorial Day is very important. It’s the day we honor all the men and women who have died defending this country.

But let’s be honest, to most people, Memorial Day is just one more 3-B weekend — beach, barbecue, backyard. But at least its origin and intentions are clear, unlike other holidays that I have puzzled over for years, like Groundhog Day, Founder’s Day, National Pi Day, which is March 14, and more importantly, Pi Approximation Day, which can be April 26, July 22, Nov. 10 or Dec. 21. Don’t ask.

Then there are the holidays that are way out in the ether, above the clouds, beyond the atmosphere, in deep space. My mouse and I took a quick cyber-tour and we are both here to tell you, there are a lot of strange holidays out there. Seriously.

Take May, for instance. If you are a food, May is your month. It’s National Hamburger Month, National Barbecue Month, National Egg Month, National Asparagus Month, National Salad Month and National Salsa Month. I’m not really sure what we’re supposed to do for National Salsa Month. Are you?

Didn’t find much on the salsa-maker websites — Pace Picante was the best — but I did find an interesting quote on a salsa blog: “Some may call salsa a condiment but in many parts of the world it’s considered a food group.”

Hmm. Exactly which parts of the world are those? The bell-ringer though was a nod to National Salsa Month on the website of an organization called “The Leonard Nimoy Should Eat More Salsa Foundation.”

Could be just me, but their mission statement is a little fuzzy: “We here at LNSEMSF believe that Leonard Nimoy is excellent and salsa is excellent. If Leonard Nimoy would eat more salsa, he would become an unstoppable form of excellence.” They even have a chart that shows how it all works.

I don’t know how well the LNSEMS Foundation is doing with fundraising, but I have to think it’s tough sledding when they’re up against the American Heart Association and United Way. Not to worry Mr. Spock/More Salsa fans. You only go round once in life. I say live your dream. That’s all that matters.

May is also National Better Sleep Month, Correct Posture Month, Meditation Month — those could all be combined I think — National Good Car Keeping Month, National Macaroon Month, National Vinegar Month, National Chocolate Custard Month and National Ultra-Violet Awareness Month.

Two questions, please. Are there really that many people knocking back chocolate custard out there that we need a national month for it? And on ultra-violet radiation, is there anything in particular you want us to know about it or just the fact that it’s there? I mean so are X-rays and Gamma rays. Are they not important enough to get a month? Seems a little unfair, don’t you think?

When you get to special weeks in May, things get even stranger. There is National Hug Holiday Week, National Update Your References Week and National Return to Work Week. I’m sorry. Did we get April off? No one told me.

The last two are head and shoulders above the rest. First, there’s National Bread Pudding Recipe Exchange Week. Really? Nothing against bread pudding, I love it, but how many recipes for bread pudding can there be? And in the course of, I don’t know, six months, exactly how many people are exchanging recipes for it?

Lastly, and my personal favorite, hands-down, period, no response required — National Solidarity with People of Non-Self-Governing Territories Week. I have seen some pretty sketchy premises for breaking out the beer bong and popping in the Best of the Doobie Brothers CD, but “Solidarity with People of Non-Self-Governing Territories” is a real stretch.

Do people get totally wild and crazy that week? Does it all lead up to some over-the-top wild party on Saturday night with a calypso band, a limbo contest and people in T-shirts that say “Govern This!” How does that work, exactly?

Finally, when you arrive at special days in May, you have found the mondo bizarro mother lode. There is National Home Brew Day — activities self-explanatory — National Midwives Day, National Totally Chipotle Day, love that one, National No Diet Day, God Bless those people, National Lumpy Rug Day, National Tuba Day and National Paranormal Day, although no one is sure if anything actually happens on that day or not and, believe it or not, National Amtrak Day.

Yeah, that’s it. Is there an Amtrak train somewhere that runs on time that day? There is International Migratory Bird Day, and the best of the best, no contest — National Respect for Chickens Day. Not making this up, it was May 4, you missed it. Before we get to what we should be doing to show chickens more respect I would like to know just how they can tell if chickens are getting enough of it. If I have hurt a chicken’s feelings somewhere, somehow, I am really sorry, but do they know?

And now that we know when National Respect for Chickens Day is, does anyone know what should we be doing on May 4 next year? I will put May 4, 2010 in my Blackberry right away but I need to know what to do, and more importantly, what to say if I run across a live chicken, which I will tell you up front, does not happen all that often around here. True, three years ago we had Diana Tomei and Heather Klein chasing a real, live, clucking, pecking, just-like-God-made-it chicken down MacArthur, but other than that, we are light in the chicken department in Newport-Mesa land, even on National Respect for Chickens Day.

I think that’s it — Mr. Spock and salsa, perfect for Totally Chipotle Day, Solidarity With People of Non-Self-Governing Territories Week and of course, chickens. Show a little respect, please. It’s important. Seriously. I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be reached at [email protected] .