COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:

It isn’t easy being tiny. There is at least one mini-Doberman pinscher at Russo’s Pet Experience in Fashion Island that knows exactly how that works.

He’s just a pup, doesn’t even have a name yet; let’s call him Dobie. On April 18, Dobie is in the front window at Russo’s doing his job, which is being cute. He is really good at it and he is wowing the Fashion Island window shoppers. But as cute as he is, Dobie ain’t cheap. You need $975 plus tax to make Dobie your own.

Apparently, the combination of cuteness and price was too much for one admirer, a young man, who slipped out of the store with Dobie without actually, well, paying for him. Another customer saw the pooch-napping go down and alerted the staff, who were totally bummed.

Dobie was gonzo, who knows where, alone on the mean streets of Newport Beach, or more likely, in the back seat of a car driven by a person who was obviously not nearly as well bred as Dobie.

Flash forward seven days, as in one week. In walks a young woman with Dobie in tow. Everyone at Russo’s is elated, the woman is tense, the police are called.

Dobie is just fine but pretty much bored with the whole thing. It takes the Newport Beach police quite a while to sort out the woman’s story and they’re still not done.

Apparently, the young man who first grabbed Dobie gave the pooch to his girlfriend as a gift. She said thanks but no thanks and gave it to another young man, who said no thanks but thanks then gave it to his grandmother, who said no thank you dear, which prompted Dobie to say, “Good God, people, I’m 10 inches tall and I weigh 2 1/2 pounds.

How hard can this be? I’m getting carsick and I have to pee really bad.

Any of these places is fine, except the grandma with the plastic slipcovers. That’s not gonna work. It’s like a Slip ’N Slide.”

That said, the grandmother returned the pooch to her grandson, who gave it to the young woman who returned Dobie to Russo’s as soon as she heard about the pup-heist. All of which got me to thinking, when it comes to dogs, how small is small and how big is big? Like so many things in life, it depends.

The tiniest pooch on earth, supposedly, is a long-haired Chihuahua called Dancer who lives in Leesburg, Florida. Dancer is just over 4 inches tall and weighs 18 ounces, more or less, depending on what he put away the night before.

He’s a year and a half old, in good health according to his owner, except that he has low blood sugar. I don’t know how you can tell a dog has low blood sugar but apparently you can. Dancer is trying to get into the Guinness Book but still has to jump through some hoops. Hopefully, they’re very small hoops, low to the ground.

The Guinness Book does list a 3-year old English Mastiff named Hercules from Peabody, Massachusetts as the world’s largest dog. Hercules has a 38-inch neck and weighs in at 282 pounds.

His owner says Hercules has no special diet but I suspect he is allowed to eat whatever he wants whenever he wants it, although he is never, ever allowed to play with Dancer. If the tallest pooch is what you’re after, meet Gibson, a Harlequin Great Dane from northern California.

Gibson is 42.2 inches at the shoulder, but when he stands on his hind legs, he is just over 7 feet tall, which is tall. Like most Great Danes, Gibson is quiet and docile, except that he loves to stand in front of a full-length mirror and strike a pose when no one is watching.

Now that we have the pooch back, two important news items for foodies. (Tried to come up with a segue, couldn’t think of one.) The first is the 6th Annual Newport Beach Food & Wine Festival at the Balboa Bay Club, May 22 to 24.

I’ll give you the full 411 on it next week, but just be sure to get it on your calendar. If you eat food and drink wine and like to find the best of both, there is nothing like this for foodies in the solar system, which is big. The second item is a special Sunday afternoon Mother’s Day celebration at Pizzeria Ortica on Anton in Costa Mesa. That is Mother’s Day as in next Sunday.

Their “Festa della Mamma” will run from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. If you’re lucky enough to still have your mom, pick her up (flowers, don’t forget flowers) take her there, and I promise she will think you’re the best son or daughter ever, which doesn’t happen often. The Pizzeria Ortica culinary wizards, David Myers and Steve Samson have created a knockout of a prix fixe menu with some of their star performers — from antipasti to secondi to dolce, a.k.a., the sweet stuff.

The price? I’m embarrassed to say it. $32. Unbelievable. If Chrysler had known about this, it might not have gone bust. There is even a special carta da bambini (kids menu) for $12.

I think that’s it then. Dobie and his excellent adventure, a 282-pound pup and a pizza margherita that will change your life and your mom’s. It’s all good.

I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be reached at [email protected].