KIDS THESE DAYS:

For some, the beginning of the new year is just the turn of a calendar page. Others like to seize the change of month and year to initiate a plan for growth and development, which could include ending bad habits.

Parents should be using this time to reset expectations, both for themselves and their children. To help, here are some ideas for helping your kids be the best they can be. The first one is the most important.

1) Let the little things go. OK, so your kid’s room is messy or your kid left a candy wrapper in the living room. Pushing too hard on some of these small issues can ruin your relationship. Try to find the good things about your child and focus on those. If he or she is a teen and not drinking or doing drugs, you have much for which you should be thankful. If he is going to school every day and not causing trouble, you can focus on that. Years from now, the messy room will not even be a memory, but laughing with your child, enjoying each other’s company and teaching your child by example will be what you remember most about these years. Parents, if you don’t like the looks of your child’s room, just close the door.

2) Spend more time together. I know that the parents of some teens think they don’t want them around, that teens have their own lives and they don’t include parents. But a parent would be wrong to think so. It’s possible that if your teen is detached, he took some cues from you several years ago. Perhaps you were working too many hours or had other priorities. It’s never too late to spend more time together. If your child is younger than 5, this is one of the two times in their lives when you really need to be there.

3) Set a better example. Kids look at things from black-and-white perspectives, and they expect you to set the right examples. If you are overweight, for example, you’ll have a hard time getting a child to cut back on fatty foods. If you don’t exercise, don’t expect your child to take your advice to exercise more. And if you want your child to watch less TV, start with your own viewing habits. Read more.

4) Talk about money. One of the conversations that parents rarely have with their children is about finances. Make a point of telling your child about how money works, about how credit has to be used carefully and what you are doing or not doing to plan for the future, whether it’s saving for college or for retirement. It’s OK to talk about your mistakes, too, because there is value in those lessons.

5) Be involved. This is different than spending more time together, as it means sacrificing some more of your personal time. But it is important for you to be involved in your child’s school or other outside interests, whether it is soccer, Little League or ballet. Join the PTA. Stay for practice instead of dropping off your child. Offer to help coach. Most coaches will welcome the help, even if you don’t know a goal from a run.

6) Set a loving example. This one may be the hardest to do, particularly when many of us are distracted because the economy is in such bad shape. But it is perhaps even more important during these times that you let your child know he or she is loved by saying it, showing it or both. If you are married, it’s always good to set a loving example with your spouse. Again, it may be tough now, but it won’t always be like this, and the example you set now will be a tremendous asset to your child later in life.

These are just a few suggestions. I welcome yours.

STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer. Send story ideas to [email protected].