Mother’s Day is for foster moms too

Susan’s mother made the ultimate sacrifice. When she was born, Susan (not her real name) was given up for adoption by her birth mother because she was not in a position to care for her.

That’s the short story.

Susan was adopted into a home where the husband and wife had one child and wanted one more but could not conceive.

When she was old enough, which is not always a fixed chronological age, Susan was told about her history.

At the age of 33, Susan decided that she wanted to track down her birth mother. Susan went through the proper channels and was told by an adoption agency that they had located her but that they could not reveal her name or whereabouts without her birth mother’s permission.

Susan sent a letter to her birth mother through the agency. Not long after, the agency received a reply from Susan’s birth mother: She did not want to pursue any relationship with Susan and asked that all future communication stop immediately.

Susan was heartbroken.

A few days later, however, Susan came to realize what so many adopted children understand as they get older. Their mother, the one who deserves their love and attention, is the one who agreed to take them in, care for them and love them without reservation.

Yes, giving a child up for adoption to prevent a traumatic life is a great sacrifice. But over time, the person on whom the child can count, to whom the child can point for so much of what they have become, is the adoptive mother.

Foster moms are moms too. They take in children who have usually come from the worst circumstances imaginable and try hard to raise good citizens. Yes, there is often some compensation from the state, but it in no way guarantees love. That’s something that foster moms provide for free.

Mothers are the glue that holds many families together. My mother was there for our family, which had many challenges along the way. At times when many moms would have bailed out, my mom stuck around. The lesson she taught me by her actions has had an impact on almost every aspect of my development.

Life is short. Life is precious. Life is tough, but it is also beautiful. I don’t care what he may say, there isn’t a man on this planet who completely understands motherhood. The act of carrying and developing a child in our belly for nine months is so far out of the realm of comprehension that it hurts to try to understand.

There is no medal for giving birth, although there should be. Instead, moms-to-be get baby showers and some hospitals offer a nice dinner that night. That’s all good, but the real chance to thank mom, to show her how much we appreciate her, comes tomorrow.

There are plenty of dads reading this who have done very little or nothing at all to show how much we appreciate mom. That’s OK. In fact, I would be suspicious of any man who has planned the day far in advance.

Mostly, he’s giving the rest of us a bad reputation.

So guys, if, like me, you’re behind the eight ball on Mother’s Day, here are a few quick tips:

Mother’s Day may be the only exception to the rule that “talk is cheap.” On Mother’s day, tell mom you love her.

Champagne in the morning. Here’s my recipe for the world’s best champagne cocktail: Start with a good champagne (it needs to say “Champagne” on the bottle, not “sparking wine” or “California Champagne.”) Place a sugar cube soaked in bitters in the bottom of a flute. Pour champagne slowly. Add a lemon twist. The best lemon twists are the hand-tied ones available at Williams-Sonoma. Drink and enjoy.

Flowers.

It sounds simple and it is. That’s the nice thing about moms. Most of them really don’t need much more than the knowledge that they are appreciated and loved.

But then, when it comes right down to it, I guess that’s true for the rest of us, too.