Please don’t patronize me whatsoever

JUNE CASAGRANDE

I’m really mad at Frasier Crane. Of course, he’s a fictional

television character, so my feelings are about as silly as Dan Quayle

chastising Murphy Brown. And now that I look at it that way, I’m mad

and embarrassed.

Here’s why I’m angry: Many moons ago, long before the stuffy

psychiatrist was a main character, he was a prespinoff stuffy

psychiatrist on the sitcom “Cheers” (with a lot more hair, though).

In a trademark Frasier moment, the character was explaining to some

barfly the correct use of the word “patronize.”

Until then, I thought I understood this word and its common

variations. But, as explained from the mouth of Kelsey Grammer, I had

been wrong all along.

There’s a little-known rule in the newspaper business that says,

when you’re writing a correction, don’t restate the mistake.

Restating the mistake can just lead to further confusion: “The paper

incorrectly reported Johnson’s age was 29. He’s 28.” A reader sees

the numbers 29 and 28 sort of dancing around on the page, looking

dangerously similar, and can easily forget which was right and which

was wrong. That’s why it’s preferred to say, “The paper incorrectly

reported Johnson’s age. He is 28.”

And this is why I won’t repeat what Dr. Frasier Crane said on

“Cheers.” The stinker was wrong. And he goofed me up for a solid

decade -- until today.

Today, I opened my stylebooks and dictionary and learned I had

been duped.

“Patronize,” as I had believed before I was dumb enough to believe

a TV character, means two things. It means to condescend and it also

means to support someone or something, especially by giving someone

your business. Thus, you’re “patronizing” the Fun Zone if you go

there and buy popcorn on a Saturday. You’re also “patronizing” the

guy who sold you the popcorn if you tell him that he’s almost as

charming as Frasier Crane.

It’s the same word, got it, Doc?

Further, the pronunciation of the first vowel makes no difference

whatsoever. The dictionary says that the hard A sound is preferred,

as in “paste.” But the softer A sound is also acceptable, as in

“past.”

Now, while typing that last sentence, I realize that I don’t know

the difference between whatever and whatsoever. Assuming there’s any

difference at all.

So, I look in my style guides, and I don’t see any entries on

whatever versus whatsoever. None whatsoever. I look in my dictionary

and, lo and behold, there’s not much difference between the two.

“Whatever” has a number of slightly different meanings, one of them

exampled as “I have no plans whatever.”

A few entries below is “whatsoever,” defined as, “whatever: an

emphatic form.”

The big difference seems to be how passionately you want to drive

home your point. “Television has no educational value whatever.” But

for the grammar skills of one particular TV psychiatrist, “I have no

faith whatsoever.”

* JUNE CASAGRANDE covers Newport Beach and John Wayne Airport. She

may be reached at (949) 574-4232 or by e-mail at

[email protected].