From dairy farms to the Pacific

Cow poop. It’s not funny. OK, that’s not true. It’s kind of funny.

It’s hard not to smile when someone says that. Try it. “Cow poop.”

See? You smiled.

I’m trying to make a serious point here, so let’s just call it

bovine waste. When it comes to the environment, bovine waste is

serious. And it was the subject of a serious decision in a federal

court settlement this week that will ultimately affect us.

On Tuesday, five commercial dairy farms in Chino agreed to reduce

the runoff that makes its way from their farms into the mighty Santa

Ana River, which as you know, runs into the ocean in our very own

backyard. The settlement is the product of a suit brought against the

dairy farmers by Newport Beach environmental activist Bob Caustin and

his group, Defend the Bay.

If you think living next to an airport can be grim, try a dairy

farm. If you haven’t experienced the dairy farms in Chino, consider

yourself fortunate. Collectively, the Chino dairy farms are the

largest dairy operation in the country.

Let’s say you’re heading north on Interstate 15 from the 91

Freeway with visions of a few days of fun in Mammoth or Lost Wages

dancing in your head. Just a few miles north of the 91, your nose

brings you back to reality, quickly. What is that hideous smell, you

ask? Moments later, if you look to your right, you will get your

answer. Cows. Lots of them.

Do you remember “Elsie,” the Borden cow? Elsie was a terminally

cute, camel-colored cow with a big smile, long curly eyelashes and a

bright red collar. None of these cows look like Elsie. They never

smile and don’t look good. In fact, they look bad.

There are hundreds of them, standing or lying around on mounds of

bovine waste while they munch on whatever it is that cows munch on.

When they’re through munching, they relieve themselves, a lot, and

then repeat the whole cycle, endlessly. That is the life of a dairy

cow, in its entirety, which is why they always look so bored.

Exactly how much waste are we talking about here? According to the

U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, a single dairy cow produces 120

pounds of wet manure a day. Impressive. And I’d like to thank the EPA

for including the word “wet,” which makes the whole process even less

appealing. Couldn’t we have left it at “manure?” I guess not.

Unless my math fails me that means a herd of 100 dairy cows

produces 12,000 pounds, or six tons of waste a day, every day. And

keep in mind, as you cruise along I-15 trying desperately to hold

your breath, you’re looking at hundreds and hundreds of cows.

OK fine, but what does all that bovine waste have to do with us

and the land of Newport-Mesa? The rain, boss, the rain! When it rains

hard, as it did two weeks ago, all of that waste becomes a thick soup

that makes its way into creeks and flood control channels and the

Santa Ana River and, finally, the ocean just off Newport Beach.

The farmers try their best to keep the bovine waste contained on

their sites, but this week’s settlement says they need to do better.

Defend the Bay and other environmental groups will work with the

dairy farmers to train their workers, and install berms and other

structures to keep as much waste as possible out of the Santa Ana

River, and in turn, the ocean.

But let’s not beat up on the cows too much. One, they’re just cows

and they don’t know any better. Two, they are part of a much larger

problem called “urban runoff,” which is ironic, considering that cows

are extremely rural.

Urban runoff is what happens when the 3 million or so of us

urbanites in Orange County water our lawns, wash our cars, rinse out

paint brushes, hose down the driveway or do the thousands of other

things we do day in and day out. Some of that runoff evaporates, some

of it seeps into the ground and the groundwater, but a lot of into

runs down the street and into the flood control system, then the

Santa Ana River, then the ocean.

It may not make it to the ocean at first, but when the next heavy

rain hits, that months-old brew of fertilizer, soap, WD-40, the

double latte you poured out your car window and, yes, cow poop is

sent rushing down the Santa Ana River and into the ocean.

Which is why smart surfers never go out for a day or two after a

big rain. You may as well empty every can and spray bottle in your

garage into the tub and sit in it for a while.

The solution to pollution is dilution, but over time the ocean has

a harder and harder time absorbing everything that’s being tossed,

spilled or poured into it. It’s a big, big problem that will take

years to solve, but at least there are lots of smart people thinking

deep thoughts about how to do it. And for this week anyway, it was

Fish 1, Cows 0.

So if anyone asks you that tired old question about “If a cow

poops in Chino, can you feel it in Newport Beach?” now you know the

answer -- “definitely.” Moo. I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs

Sundays. He may be reached via e-mail at [email protected].