A lesson in women

Pop quiz, guys: A female co-worker arrives at the office wearing a

collared denim shirt. A kerchief is tied in her hair. A series of

media images flashes through your mind: “The Girls of Cell Block H,”

Austin Powers’ nemesis Dr. Evil decked out in prison attire, a

particularly prurient episode of “Seinfeld.”

Do you:

A) Keep your fool mouth shut

B) Tell the co-worker she looks like a prisoner

C) Call the police

If you answered B, you’re probably Daily Pilot City Editor James

Meier. At a recent editorial staff meeting, a small gathering of

seven Daily Pilot reporters and an editor or two, our always

well-intentioned but often misunderstood leader got a lesson in women

that, in my opinion, he should have picked up a long time ago.

Young Chang was looking cute as can be when James made his fateful

observation.

“I look like a prisoner? What does that mean? June, what did that

mean?”

Some of you guys reading this are already wincing with pain. We’ll

refer to you as “the smart guys.” Those of you who fail to see the

hornet’s nest rocking in the branches here, keep reading.

As the smart guys could have predicted, this wasn’t the end of the

matter. Not by a long shot. Everyone took turns at backpedaling for

or flat-out scolding James.

“Don’t listen to him, Young; you look great,” was the most common

refrain.

Two hours later, though the kerchief had disappeared from Young’s

hair, the matter hadn’t gone away. Far from it.

I lost track of who jumped into the conversation, but it went

something like this:

“Who said you look like a prisoner?”

“James did.”

“James! Young, don’t listen to him.”

The next question is a little tricky, so I’ll direct it only to

you smart guys: Do you think the issue was dead and buried a full 24

hours later? Those of you who said, “probably not” have earned the

title of “super-smart guys.”

A full day later, an employee who had missed the previous day’s

debacle got a complete debriefing. And, of course, James got another

verbal spanking.

James tried again, in vain, to explain that he hadn’t meant

anything even remotely unflattering to Young. It was just an innocent

observation. But as smart guys know and as the rest of you need to

learn right now: When it comes to women’s appearance, there are no

innocent observations. There are only opportunities to realize you’ve

stepped in something much, much messier than you expected.

I repeated my recommendation to my supervisor from the previous

day.

“James, you need to talk to some of your guy friends about how

they deal with this stuff,” I said.

Then, I saw and seized on an opportunity to demonstrate.

“Watch and learn,” I said to James.

I stood up at my desk and yelled across the room to reporter Paul

Clinton.

“Hey, Paul,” I hollered, also capturing the attention of about a

half-dozen co-workers sitting nearby.

“Yeah?”

“How’s my weight looking these days?”

Panic -- the panic of a smart guy who knows a trap when he sees

one -- flashed across Paul’s face.

“What?”

“My weight. How is my weight these days?”

“It’s perfect. It’s right there.”

His eyes were huge. His body was in the natural defensive posture

one might see in a wounded and trapped animal whose only goal was

survival.

“Is my weight good because I’ve gained a little? Or because I’ve

lost a little?”

“It’s right there. It’s perfect.”

“Do you think Young looked like a prisoner yesterday?”

“No. No. Not at all. I was one of the ones telling James he was

wrong.”

“Do you think she looks like a disco dancer today?”

Young had appeared at the office the following day wearing a

pretty brown shirt with a subtle sparkle pattern. In a botched

attempt to fix the previous day’s faux pas, James had likened Young’s

latest outfit to that of a dancer.

Paul paused at the last question. It was a tricky one. “Disco

dancer” could have a very positive connotation -- that of a fit,

attractive woman on a dance floor or stage in some glamorous setting.

But, as Paul demonstrated, there’s only one strategy that works in

these situations: evade and survive. Avoid at all costs saying

anything of substance unless it’s a 100% airtight compliment.

“Well? Does Young look like a disco dancer?”

“Uh, I’ll say no,” he was unsure of his answer, but quick on the

save. “She looks great. You look great, Young.”

See James? That’s how it’s done.

* JUNE CASAGRANDE covers Newport Beach and John Wayne Airport.

She may be reached at (949) 574-4232 or by e-mail at

[email protected].