COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES

Peter Buffa

It’s been a busy time in the Land of Newport-Mesa. Two large

development issues, a Civil War skirmish and one major holiday. Speaking

of which, how was your Thanksgiving?

Flawless, I’m sure. People tripping over each other to help out, every

guest gracious and witty, and the kids couldn’t have been better behaved.

Oh, really? Sorry.

I myself spent the Day of the Turkey in Arizona, the state just to the

right of us. It was a large-scale family reunion (spouse’s side) at the

home of Steve (brother-in-law) and Jeannie (sister-in-law) Haines -- a

full-on, turkey-themed extravaganza and lots of fun. Interestingly,

Thanksgiving is virtually the same in Arizona as it is in Newport-Mesa.

It is a small world after all.

What did you think of this early Thanksgiving business, by the way? I

wasn’t crazy about it. There’s a rhythm to these things, you know.

Halloween, month, Thanksgiving, month, Christmas. Is that so hard? Did

someone ask for Halloween, 3 weeks, Thanksgiving, 5 weeks, Christmas? I

think not. Very disorienting.

Be that as it may, we are approaching the fourth quarter, the ninth

inning, the holiday home stress. Sorry, stretch. You better be good, you

better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why -- it won’t do

any good.

The chubby jolly boy in the red suit is coming to town whether you’re

ready or not and I, for one, never am. Not that I actually have to do

anything, but I feel guilty knowing that if I did have to, I wouldn’t be

ready. You know what I’m saying?

Most of the decorations are up around town and have been for weeks. On

Friday, we had the obligatory “Day-after-T-Day” stories from the malls:

“Record crowds, heaviest shopping day of the year.”

Fascinating. But just because it’s the holidays doesn’t mean there are

no important issues to addressed. One in particular has troubled me for

some time, since well before September. You can see it all over Newport

Beach and Costa Mesa. You can find it across the county. I have seen it

in other states, it was rampant in Arizona. What is the story with those

little fruit stickers?

OK, it may not be a big deal to you. But to someone who spends as much

time poking produce as I do, it’s major. Maybe you know all about them. I

nosed around but couldn’t find out anything. You’ve seen them -- little

stickers on apples, plums, pears, tomatoes and the like. They weren’t

there a year ago, now they’re everywhere. In fact, I’m looking at one

right now. It’s about half the size of a dime and it says, “Bartlett

Pear, #4516.” Very helpful. Were it not for the annoying little sticker,

I might have mistaken this for a grape and tried to swallow it whole.

I sense the hand of the government somewhere in this. Who else would

come up with a program to label every piece of fruit in the country with

its name and a four-digit number? Whoever it was, you know the cost of

fruit went up a few cents to pay for this very important program. Someone

has to make the stickers and stick them on every last piece of whatever

or come up with a machine to do it. Apples with little stickers don’t

just grow on trees.

You’re still not convinced. I can see it in your eyes. Let’s say it’s

something you’re not going to peel, like a plum or a tomato. You have to

take the time to coax the sticker off, which can be a trick in itself.

Now you’ve got this silly little thing on the end of your finger and you

have to take more time to toss it out.

Having carefully picked out the biggest, plumpest beefsteak tomato in

the store for a red onion and Roquefort starter, your big plump tomato

now has a major gash in it. Point is, do we not have enough to worry

about? Some idiot is sending anthrax spores through the mail and we’re

doing battle with a global terrorist network. Do we really need the

little fruit stickers?

I don’t care if only costs five seconds and a few cents per apple,

couldn’t this be one small step toward simplifying our lives? If you will

join me in this effort, there are other things we can simplify, many

others. Why do you get 18 credit card receipts in restaurants now? What

happened to one carbon-copy receipt that you could fill out and sign,

tear off your copy and be done with it? Did someone complain? Am I

supposed to take the 17 slippery duplicates with me, leave them there,

what?

What about the foot-long receipts in supermarkets that are a foot long

only because there are discount coupons and ads printed on the back? Do

you know anyone who has ever used those? Do you know anyone who knows

anyone who has? I rest my case.

So many complications, so little time. I’m fine with kinder and

gentler. How about a little kinder and simpler? I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays.

He may be reached via e-mail at [email protected].