THE VERDICT -- Robert Gardner

Some time ago, I wrote a story about my beagle, who had consumed a

whole loaf of bread at one sitting. Frankly, it wasn’t the kind of story

that has editors screaming, “Stop the press!” However, it caught the

public fancy to the extent that when I took the dog for a walk, people

would say, “Isn’t that the dog that ate the loaf of bread?”

Now, I know that dogs, even beagles, can’t understand conversational

English. However, there must have been something about the tone of voice

of those making the inquiry that caught the dog’s attention, and it went

to her head to the extent that several times I found her preening in

front of a full-length mirror in the bathroom. Given that result, I am a

little hesitant to tell of her latest escapade.

I came home the other day to find her waiting in her customary spot,

peering out the front window, keeping track of the neighborhood. I opened

the front door and she trotted up, but there was something strange about

her appearance. She looked green. “Oh, no,” I thought, “another loaf of

La Brea Bakery country sourdough devoured by a beagle.” I rushed into the

kitchen, expecting to find a shredded wrapper, but everything was as I

had left it, and come to think of it she didn’t seem at all under the

weather. I looked closer. Her face was definitely green, but it was all

on the surface. What was going on? I looked through the house and found

nothing green. I went outside -- and the mystery was solved.

A few days before, my neighbor put up a chain link fence between our

houses. I said to the fellow erecting it, Marty Kordick, that it made the

yard look like a prison exercise yard. I thought about various things I

could plant to soften the effect, but while I was thinking, Marty was

acting. He painted the fence green, but while Marty was striving to make

the world a more gracious place in which to live, he neglected to tell

the dog about wet paint. She very carefully placed her face against the

newly painted fence. Result -- a dog with a green face.

Needless to say, when we take our daily walk, the beagle with the

green face is getting more attention than she ever got as the beagle who

ate the loaf of bread, and she is preening more than ever.

So, my advice to dog owners is -- if you have a dog that is shy,

modest and retiring, paint his or her face green, and you will be

astounded at the change in personality of the animal.

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge. His

column runs Tuesdays.