Educationally Speaking -- Gay Geiser-Sandoval

Let’s face it. I am a big advocate of gender neutrality. But, even I

agree that some things are just more fun for the male human species.

Fireworks! Boys and men just love them, and don’t think a thing about

spending $100 for the chance to legally blow things up for an hour or

two.

In my day, things were simpler and more lethal in the fireworks

department. My own male relatives, including those from the city, came

out to the “country” of Orange County to blow up bugs and tin cans with

firecrackers and Roman candles.

Moms and girls had their own role. It was to sit on the bench and when

the smoke blew on them, say “ooh” and “ahh!” while hoping nothing caught

on fire and no one blew off a hand. As I got older, my role did not

change. I did not get to decide what fireworks to buy, what order to

shoot them off, nor did I ever want to light them. Having a house without

sons, my daughters have done all of these tasks, but not with the relish

had by the males in our neighborhood.

Given my limited experience and background, don’t you think I should

have a permanent excuse slip from ever having to work a fireworks booth?

I understand the flash of wealth a few days in a fireworks stand brings

to a school athletic team, and for that reason, I have been called into

service the last few years.

My first group of customers this year was a bunch of 20-something

young men, who wondered if I had any mortar. I looked around at the

hundreds of different choices filling the small wooden shack and found

something labeled TNT.

I remembered that those initials stood for dynamite and offered it up

to the guys. Then, I turned around and found something else labeled TNT.

I figured our booth was selling some special kinds of fireworks and no

wonder this group came to us looking for mortar. Then, a male worker

informed me that the brand name of the stuff we were selling was TNT and

none of it was dynamite.

So, that made my volunteer sales job a lot harder. I think TNT

dynamite pretty much does the same thing, and you just add more pounds to

make a bigger explosion. However, these TNT fireworks all claim to do

something different. The potential buyers pretty much want to know what

each one of the 100 different products does: how high the flames shoot,

how long the flash lasts and how loud the irritating sound is. I wanted

to say, “Long enough to give your mom or girlfriend a headache,” but

decided against it.

Once in a while, an unaccompanied female would approach our booth with

the task of buying her male “the right fireworks.” Those I could deal

with. I persuaded her right away to buy a big pack for too much money

that would give her man a lot of choices and would ensure that she was

coughing and her head was pounding by the end. One big package came with

an extra bonus pack she could give him just when he thought the fun was

all over. She would be his hero forever.

If any of you in Newport Beach didn’t get to experience the wonders of

blowing stuff up, I will let you light fireworks on my street in Costa

Mesa if you come to my booth next year and don’t ask me what each Mad Dog

or Purple Cloud does. Just buy the really big package.

. . .

The city of Costa Mesa has started its summer concert series again on

Tuesday nights from 6 to 7:30 p.m. Tonight’s concert is in Fairview Park.

This is your chance to expose your kids to live music and eat a picnic

dinner with them without the TV on. Also, you can visit Costa Mesa High

School’s pool Monday through Friday for a cool dip in the swimming pool.

Adult lap swim is from noon to 1 p.m. and recreational swimming is open

from 1 until 2:45 p.m. Admission is free. Tell the cute lifeguards hello.

* GAY GEISER-SANDOVAL is a Costa Mesa resident. Her column runs

Tuesdays. She may be reached by e-mail at o7 [email protected] .