STEVE SMITH -- What’s Up

There are some things I just can’t figure out and as my list grows

longer, it becomes more complex, too. I can’t understand how any parent

can allow their child to watch four hours of television each day, the

national average. I can’t understand how some people could not like

baseball. I can’t understand why anyone would prefer Shemp over Curly and

I can’t understand why anyone would get a tattoo.

And until recently, I could not understand why any married couple

would not want to have children.

Pamela and Mike Hobson have been married almost 12 years and they do

not want to have any kids. That they have made this choice of their own

free will is strange to me, but it also indicates an area in which many

of us, certainly yours truly, have been unnecessarily judgmental, almost

to the point of being discriminatory. And let’s get this out of the way

now: Yes, this is Hobson’s choice.

Pamela has recently been named president of the Newport Beach chapter

of No Kidding!, a nonprofit organization for people whose lives will not

include children of their own. The Newport Beach chapter is Orange

County’s first and I was going to write a brief summary of the

organization’s history, but the Web site version is just fine:

“No Kidding! is an all-volunteer, nonprofit social club for couples

and singles who, for whatever reason, have never had children. Since its

inception in 1984 in Vancouver, Canada, child-free people have started

chapters in many cities in Canada, the U.S, the Ivory Coast and South

Korea.”

There are now 50 No Kidding! chapters worldwide.

“No Kidding! is a venue for child-free people to meet other people who

have chosen to be child-free in a forum for unity, acceptance and to

build friendships,” Pamela said.

Pamela’s “acceptance” rationale has been on my mind since we spoke. I

am the first to admit that before chatting with her, my litmus test for

any married person was whether they had kids. Like the parent who’s not

supposed to ask the Little Leaguer if he won or lost but if he had fun, I

most often leapfrog past the spouse questions and jump right into the kid

quiz. You know the one: How many? How old? Boys, girls, what? And so on.

Here’s the way life is: When you’re single, people ask when you’re

going to get married. When you get married, they ask you when you’re

going to have kids. And if you eventually have a kid, they start asking

when you’re going to have another.

Now, imagine getting the same inquisition but knowing that you will

never be a parent.

“I remember a baby shower that they had here in the neighborhood a

couple of years ago and everyone was looking at me,” said Pamela,

recalling the questions about her parenting plans. “And I said ‘I’m not

going there’ and one woman just couldn’t get it. She said, ‘Oh, no, dear,

you’ll have them, don’t worry,’ and I said, ‘I’m not worried!’

“The questions don’t stop. I could tell someone I’m in menopause [she

is far from it] and someone would say, ‘Oh, you’ll have them, sweetie,

don’t worry, they’re doing great research in that area now.”’

Pamela jokes about it but there is an element of truth to the story.

America loves kids and those who choose a life without them could have

reasons to be bitter. But that’s not Pamela and it’s not the thrust

behind No Kidding! While researching her options for child-free

organizations, she found No Kidding! on the web. “I wanted something with

a fun, lighthearted feel without an attitude. I support parents and I

hope they support me.”

As a soccer and baseball coach for several years, I’ve seen the

devastating effects of marriages that should not have produced children.

I wish couples would be more cautious about having children, with some

deciding that kids are not for them -- the way the Hobsons have -- but

society is not wired that way.

“When you don’t have kids you don’t have the network that parents have

to meet each other,” Pamela said. “We don’t have the play groups, we

don’t have the schools, there’s no PTA. There aren’t any organizations

for people who have chosen to remain child-free to get together and meet

each other.”

Until now. I support Pamela and Mike Hobson’s choice to remain

child-free. If you’d like to join them next Tuesday evening at the first

meeting of the Newport Beach chapter of No Kidding! or know someone who

is interested, call Pamela at (949) 650-9229 or e-mail her at o7

[email protected] .

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer. Readers

may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at (949) 642-6086.