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Television

Fantasy ‘Hills’ spin-offs

Whitney Port - MONDAY The title: “Oh, Wow” The premise: Whitney’s living the sweet life picking up after People’s Revolution owner Kelly Cutrone on both coasts. Potential dialogue: (Lauren calls Whitney in New York.) Whitney: Hi Lauren! What’s up? Kelly Kutrone is here, and I’m just, ya know, steaming outfits and feeding the models. What’s going on? (Lauren tells her that things are heating up with her and Stephen.) Whitney: Oh. My. Gosh. Are you serious? What are you going to do? (Lauren says she doesn’t know and asks Whitney if she thinks he’s cute.) Whitney: No. (Lauren is silent. She asks Whitney what to do.) Whitney: Wow. I don’t know, Lauren. Gosh. I don’t know.

Whitney Port - MONDAY

The title: “Oh, Wow”

The premise: Whitney’s living the sweet life picking up after People’s Revolution owner Kelly Cutrone on both coasts.

Potential dialogue:

(Lauren calls Whitney in New York.)

Whitney: Hi Lauren! What’s up? Kelly Kutrone is here, and I’m just, ya know, steaming outfits and feeding the models. What’s going on?

(Lauren tells her that things are heating up with her and Stephen.)

Whitney: Oh. My. Gosh. Are you serious? What are you going to do?

(Lauren says she doesn’t know and asks Whitney if she thinks he’s cute.)

Whitney: No.

(Lauren is silent. She asks Whitney what to do.)

Whitney: Wow. I don’t know, Lauren. Gosh. I don’t know.  (Dan Steinberg / Associated Press)

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt - TUESDAY

The title: “Newlyweds: This Time Is for Real”

The premise: We follow the newlyweds during the first months of marital bliss. In the premiere, Spencer buys a bigger video camera to shoot Heidi’s new music video for the song “Spencer’s Girl,” an update of the Rick Springfield classic.

Potential dialogue:

Heidi: Where should we shoot the new video? We’ve already done the beach. What’s left?

Spencer: I know! What about our favorite Mexican restaurant, Don Antonio’s?

Heidi: Are you serious? What would I wear? I don’t want to just wear some bikini with chili peppers all over it.

Spencer: Babe! You could wear like a sweet sombrero with like a really beautiful see-through poncho. It’ll be perfect.

Heidi: …How do you make me love you even more every day?  (Gina Ferazzi / Los Angeles Times)

Audrina Patridge

Audrina Patridge - WEDNESDAY

The title: “Audrina Does Hollywood”

The pitch: Audrina has moved out of L.C. and Lo’s house and begins to fulfill her dream of being a famous actress. First up? She’ll star in the sequel to the Jessica Alba film “Into the Blue.”

Potential dialogue:

Audrina (sobbing): I don’t know what to do, Justin. I just don’t know how I’m going to live up to Jessica’s performance. It’s too. Much. Pressure.

Justin Bobby (puzzled): Uh, babe? You’re not playing that role. You’re Beautiful Beach Babe No. 4

Audrina (confused): Wait, you mean that wasn’t her in the first movie?  (Luis Sinco / Los Angeles Times)

Jason Wahler

Jason Wahler - FRIDAY

The title: “The Real Prison Break”

The premise: Dumped by his new fiancé, Jason gets busted again for drunk driving and cursing out cops. But this time when he’s tossed in the slammer he has a plan. Inspired by his favorite Fox drama, “Prison Break,” he’s tattooed the blueprint of the jail he’s in on his body and cameras watch him attempt to break out.

Potential dialogue:

Prison guard (to the camera): He’s not getting out. We let the cameras in only to promote this new prison and demonstrate its security. I don’t know what ‘The Hills’ is, but this Jason guy is in for a surprise.  (Michael Buckner / Getty Images)

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