Studying Studies

Someday soon someone should study the impact of all these studies that emerge daily on virtually every imaginable subject. They’re scary, curious, interesting. Some may even be important.

High school seniors must have skipped history class because, a new study shows, 57% lack even a basic knowledge of their own history; only 48% knew the Soviet Union was a World War II ally and only 35% of fourth-graders connect the Boston Tea Party with the American Revolution. For all they know, the Civil War was East against West under the guy who invented the Lincoln.

One study of kids found the curious, outgoing ones, if they survive numerous risky adventures, develop higher IQs than shyer peers. Other research finds that adolescents watching more than one hour of TV daily are nearly four times likelier to commit violent or aggressive acts later. Program content was blamed. But nonscientific observations also trace subsequent aggression to constant flicking among 100 channels, to find nothing worth watching. A study of ancient church records in Finland (seriously) found that women with sons lived a few months less than women who had given birth to daughters. This confirms the suspicions of many boys’ parents.

A study by the Social Security Administration reports Jacob and Emily as the most popular names for newborns, ahead of Michael, Matthew, Joshua and Christopher and Madison, Hannah, Ashley and Alexis. Among the least popular girls’ names were Keyla, Tatianna and Miah. Not many boys’ parents choose Rocky, Yehuda, Benito or Mustafa.

The worst cities for car theft are Phoenix, Miami and Fresno, followed by Detroit, Sacramento and Tucson. Not too good leaving your car in Stockton either. Talk about cell phones as dangerous driving diversions, new research says hot coffee is the most hazardous food to consume at the wheel. Jelly doughnuts aren’t safe, but they’re safer. And it’s not recommended to get in front of drivers eating hot soup, chili or tacos. Tacos? In a moving car? Maybe an aggressive, adventurous, TV-watching adolescent named Benito.

Which all seems to confirm the little-known maxim of Fred Rogers, founder of “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.” He once said, quietly, “I think we are created deep and simple. Society doesn’t nurture that. Society nurtures shallow and complicated.” More food there--not for driving but for thought.