LAUGH LINES

Live Long: “Scientists at the University of Illinois have developed a plastic that repairs itself. If it cracks or breaks, it automatically mends itself. . . . Isn’t that amazing? . . . You know what that means? That means Cher could finally achieve immortality.” (Jay Leno)

Unlikely Pair: “Young and beautiful ‘Will & Grace’ star Debra Messing will portray Woody Allen’s girlfriend in his next comedy. Debra Messing going out with someone like Woody Allen? What’s the name of the movie? ‘When Pigs Fly’?” (Alex Kaseberg)

On the Presidential Path: “Roger Clinton was arrested . . . in Hermosa Beach for [allegedly] driving under the influence of alcohol. . . . The news came as a major shock. . . . Everybody thought Hillary would be the next Clinton president.” (Argus Hamilton)

South of the Border: “President Bush visited Mexican President Vicente Fox. In hoping to strengthen relations between the two countries, before he left, Bush said, ‘Some people look south and see problems.’ But not him. . . . When he looks south, he sees the economy heading in that direction at breakneck speed.” (Ira Lawson)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.