LAUGH LINES

Setting Conditions: “George W. Bush insisted that he really does want to debate Al Gore in prime time. He just hasn’t agreed yet to the specific times and formats suggested by the Committee on Presidential Debates. . . . He wants all the questions to be multiple choice.” (Daily Scoop)

One for the Books: “George W. Bush continued pushing education as a major campaign issue . . . by introducing an impressive $5-billion book-reading program. . . . Bush’s program is so extensive, it may even convince him to read one.” (Ira Lawson)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Top Signs You’ve Had a Stupid Summer

10. Instead of a sunburn, you have a large red mark where you accidentally leaned against the stove.

7. The only fireworks you saw were when your Firestone tires blew up on the highway.

6. You just woke up with a vicious hangover and a “Happy New Year” hat.

5. Your big summer trip--when the guards let you out of solitary for a smoke.

4. You went on a trip to West Nile and caught the New York virus.

3. The only time you saw sunshine was when “Survivor” was on.

2. Your phone number is one digit off from the Firestone recall hotline.

1. You’re a pro golfer--and your name ain’t Tiger.

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