LAUGH LINES

Topsy Turvy: “Politics in N.Y. has gone insane. Hillary Clinton said that, out of respect, she wishes reporters would stop asking Mayor Giuliani about his marriage problems. Meanwhile, Giuliani’s wife says that she wishes President Clinton would stop calling her.” (Conan O’Brien)

Rolling in the Dough: “NBC signed the cast of ‘Friends’ to another two years. Each cast member is getting $750,000 [per episode]. I bet Marcel the monkey is upset he left the show. I saw him working the corner with David Caruso: ‘Come on, hand out that cup, will ya?’ ” (Jay Leno)

Love Bug: “According to one estimate, more than 40 million users were hit by the ‘Ilove-you’ virus, followed immediately by the ‘I Like You as a Friend’ virus, and later, the even more damaging ‘We Need to Talk’ virus.” (Jon Stewart)

Fight It Out: Sylvester Stallone, 53, “says there are plans to make ‘Rocky VI.’ For his opponent, they had to cast someone he could . . . fight and beat: Bea Arthur.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Struck by Lightning: “Geophysicists said Ben Franklin erred when he invented the lightning rod. His was sharp, but blunt is better. Still, scientists agreed, the best way to attract lightning is to run against Hillary Clinton.” (Argus Hamilton)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.