Making It Work

Some experts weigh in on how fathers and their families can make the at-home-dad lifestyle work:

* YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Keep communicating with your spouse.

“When parents are doing very different things--one in paid work, one at home--they can feel they’re drifting apart,” says Francine M. Deutsch, a professor of psychology at Mt. Holyoke College and the author of “Halving It All: How Equally Shared Parenting Works” (Harvard University Press). Make an effort to empathize with each other. Set aside time to reconnect.

“Sometimes women are worried that they’re going to give up their No. 1 spot with their children,” Deutsch says. Women overcome these feelings by seeing the at-home-dad choice succeed in their families. “Kids can have two No. 1s,” Deutsch says.

* COMPENSATION SYSTEM

“The rewards that you get from being with your kids through good and bad are far more than the corner office or the company car, but you may not know that when you first start out,” says Reginald Davis, co-author of “Solo Dad Survival Guide” (Contemporary Books) and the single father of three.

Don’t go it alone. One of the toughest problems at-home dads face is social isolation.

* YOUR FINANCES

Stay involved in your family’s finances. Valerie Lasher-Adelman, president of the New York Chapter of Certified Financial Planners, says: “I’ve observed in my practice that there’s often a power imbalance when one spouse works for pay and the other doesn’t. Regardless of who works outside the home, both spouses should be involved in the planning and decision-making for all financial matters.”

* YOUR CAREER

Consider continuing some paid work, perhaps from a home office.

“Having a toehold in the work force may be important to your sense of identity,” Deutsch says. “It also helps working and at-home parents to empathize with each other’s experiences.”

Working Mother magazine is distributed by Los Angeles Times Syndicate.