LAUGH LINES

On the Campaign Trail: Orrin Hatch, a Republican senator from Utah, is running for president. “He says he is eager to move into the White House with his first, second and third ladies.” (Jon Stewart)

Historic Firsts: Russian President Boris Yeltsin has given the U.S. government all the documents Russia has on the Kennedy assassination. “In return, I think we gave him a six-pack of Bud. He couldn’t be happier.” (Jay Leno)

Silly Science: A study on sleep disorders found that certain words can instantly induce sleep in insomniacs. “For example, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, Vice President Al Gore.’ ” (Alex Kaseberg)

Silly Science II: According to some researchers, leeches have medicinal value. “And I thought HMOs were the only bloodsuckers in the health care industry.” (Daily Scoop)

A Royal Pain: Unhappy with the outcome, the British monarchy had the official Prince Edward wedding picture digitally altered. “But not that unhappy--they didn’t crop Prince Charles’ ears.” (Paul Steinberg)

On the Big Screen: Leonardo DiCaprio could play the young Sonny Corleone in the next “Godfather” installment. “Leo as Sonny? C’mon, Talia Shire could kick his butt.” (Daily Scoop)

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