VIEWPOINT / LETTERS : The State of Wisconsin About Ready to Grind Downey Into Sausage

Dear Mike Downey:

After reading your provocative article (Dec. 6) on all things sacred to Wisconsinites--our people, our football team, our university and our conservatism--I feel a response is in order.

--The famous song of Madison, “If I can make it there I’ll make it anywhere.” It deals with the academic standards. Our graduates, unlike UCLA’s, may take postgraduate work at Penn State, not the state pen.

--You are correct about Wisconsin’s people carrying jumper cables. They carry a positive charge, like our football team.

--Thank you for mentioning our conservatism. Our T-shirts are emblazoned with terminology that can be understood and spoken in polite society that, believe it or not, still exists in the Midwest.

--”Wisconsin’s football recruits are dazzled by the neon lights and glitz of nearby Illinois.” Those same lights must have blinded you. You used to work in Chicago.

--A national poll recently named “On Wisconsin” the third most-recognized fight song in the nation, behind Notre Dame’s and Michigan’s. Let’s see, the UCLA fight song goes like . . . sounds like . . .

--It is not irony that seismologists named your most famous scale after our All-American athletic director, Pat Richter. After all, the scale is well recognized and accurate, which is a lot more than I can say for your article.

--We thank California’s top chefs for taking time to prepare special cuisine for our faithful. They should not have to work too hard for your meal. After the game you will be eating crow, and it will be “on Wisconsin.”

IRWIN M. MILLER

Milwaukee

*

Dear Mike Downey:

I think you need a lot of help in knowing what to expect and what not to expect from the people of Wisconsin.

Do not expect fancy imported cars with cellular phones. They will come in Buicks, Fords and Oldsmobiles that are not new, but paid in full, that they took out of their attached garage at their small home that hasn’t had mortgage payments since Vander Kellen (former Badger quarterback Ron VanderKelen) was here in ’63.

They do like food: sausage, cheese, butter, bratwurst and beer. They consume more brandy than any state in the USA--and live longer, even without tofu, nonfat yogurt and Hollywood Health Spas.

They will come, because the Rose Bowl is a great sporting event, and win or lose, they’ll be proud of their team.

The real question is, will they understand the barbed wire on freeway signs? Graffiti on homes and block walls? Why they can’t buy a beer in the fourth quarter?

And yes, Mike, there is something you can do for them. Remind them to lock their cars and not to blink their lights if someone is driving without theirs at night.

TOM HETZEL

Orange (Racine, Wis.)

*

I would like to comment on Mike Downey’s complaints on all of the stale Duck jokes (Dec. 10):

Does this mean no more fowl puns in any Mighty Duck stories? And that ESPN can no longer say, “Let’s roll the Duck tape”?

And I hate to ruffle your feathers, but my stepmother is fond of saying, “Everything is just ducky.”

ROBERT H. McCULLAGH

Desert Hot Springs

*

I agree with Mike Downey. There have been far too many wisequacks at the expense of the Mighty Ducks. Haven’t they been draked over the coals enough? I for one think they’re poultry in motion.

DANA MERINO

Studio City