Sure, the World Goes On, but Does Series Have To?

Woody Allen’s new movie includes a scene in which a man explains what’s funny and what’s not funny. One of the roots of comedy, he suggests, is “tragedy plus time.”

Accidents, disasters, even holocausts . . . we can find humor in just about anything, given sufficient time. That is this character’s reasoning.

I wonder if that is so. One of the first things I was ever taught, for example, was to never, never, never make fun of anything having to do with World War II. There was absolutely nothing humorous about World War II, I was told.

I was told this right around the time “Hogan’s Heroes” appeared on television. This program, about the happy-go-lucky pranksters locked inside a Nazi concentration camp, is about to begin its 25th year in rerun syndication, to a continuing lack of nationwide objection.

So, I ask myself, why not crack a few jokes about the Bay Area earthquake? After all, it is obvious that enough time has passed.

What--you say enough time hasn’t passed? Gee, that’s odd. Enough time has passed that they are ready to resume the World Series.

Enough time has passed that today an umpire is supposed to yell, “Play ball!” so we can find out, once and for all, if the San Francisco Giants can come back to defeat the Oakland Athletics, which seems to be so terribly important to so many people.

And to think people keep scolding me for wanting this baseball business called off--because, they assure me, the Bay Area “needs” this, as part of the “healing process,” as evidence that “life goes on.”

Lighten up, they tell me.

OK, I’ll lighten up. I guess nobody explained the rules to me before this earthquake.

More than 60 people dead, why, that’s no reason to interfere with something as important as the World Series. Silly me.

By the way, just so I’ll know next time, exactly how many people need to die before we call off a local sporting event? A thousand? Five thousand? I want to be sure, when Los Angeles gets hit by an earthquake during, say, a Laker-Detroit Piston championship series, or the Rose Bowl.

Oh, and I would like to spend a few minutes with officials of local law enforcement, just to make absolutely sure that they wouldn’t mind being taken away from quake-related duties to direct traffic and control crowds at the stadium. I’m sure San Francisco’s police will be tickled pink to handle that sort of thing this weekend.

Oh, and I would like to spend a few minutes with officials of insurance companies, just to make absolutely sure that they don’t mind shelling out billions of dollars to the families of people who went right back into a quake-damaged stadium, less than two weeks later, assured that the place was perfectly safe, only to have the San Andreas Fault finish what it started.

Then there was the problem of the Rolling Stones’ concerts on Nov. 4-5. Until a solution was reached Thursday, in which the rock band agreed to a shorter set-up time, it appeared there would be a conflict because the group was demanding that the stadium be empty at least five days before it plays. But hey, the Stones are accustomed to conflict. Remember the near-riot at Altamont? What’s a little earthquake threat? Oakland needs them to sing, as part of the “healing process.”

Maybe they can sing a couple of my favorites, for those healing. Like “Shattered.” Or “19th Nervous Breakdown.” Or “Paint It Black.” Something, you know, appropriate to the situation. Sing it, Mick.

And now maybe the issue of the Raiders moving back to Oakland may be resolved. Oakland, a city with a school system deeply in debt, a city with terribly underpaid police and fire fighters, a city prepared to mortgage money it didn’t have just to lure back a professional football team, probably has to pull out of the Raider auction for now.

This ought to save Sacramento a few million bucks, by the way. We have the last bid--do we hear less?

It sickens me to make small talk in the aftermath of a life-destroying earthquake. If people can’t understand that, if they need to watch the Series, then by all means, watch the Series. I am not my brothers’ and sisters’ keeper.

Oh, and by the way, somebody be sure to buy me one of those funny “I Survived the Earthquake” T-shirts.