The Sporting Types Can Talk a Good Game, Too

Following are some selected Quotebooks from Morning Briefings of 1986:

Mike Ditka, Chicago Bear coach, on Ram quarterback Dieter Brock: “He’s short, and we plan to make him shorter.”

John Madden, CBS analyst, when Dieter Brock threw an incomplete pass to Bobby Duckworth: “That looked like a duck to Passworth.”

Chuck Nevitt of the Detroit Pistons, on one advantage of being 7-foot-5: “At a party, it’s a great ice-breaker.”

Dennis Johnson, Boston Celtic guard, explaining how Philadelphia 76er forward Charles Barkley missed a couple of tomahawk dunks: “He had plenty of Tom, but not enough hawk.”

Ellis Clary, Minnesota Twin scout: “I once scouted a pitcher who was so bad that when he came into the game the ground crew dragged the warning track.”

Rocky Bridges, minor league manager, on a game against a Chinese team: “An hour later we wanted to play them again.”

Jeff Ruland, Washington Bullet center, asked if it was true that teammate Manute Bol had once killed a lion with a spear: “No, he killed it with one of his foul shots.”

Spud Webb, 5-7 Atlanta Hawk guard, to 5-6 Seattle reporter Ken Richardson who asked how he could learn to dunk: “Grow an inch.”

Mike Jorgensen, former big league first baseman, on why he’s no longer playing: “There’s a conspiracy among the clubs. Nobody’s hiring 37-year-old players who can’t hit.”

Danny Schayes, Denver Nugget center, explaining a loss to the Golden State Warriors: “They got a lot of long rebounds. Well, actually, they got every rebound.”

Charles Sampson, rodeo star, on how he became a bull rider: “If you’re too lazy to work and too chicken to steal, you become a bull rider.”

Howie Starkman, Toronto Blue Jay publicist, confirming that Buck Martinez uses a bat manufactured in Canada: “We have wood up here, too.”

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz coach, on Denver Nugget Coach Doug Moe: “I understand Doug gave his wife a water bed. She called it the Dead Sea.”

Mike Fratello, Atlanta Hawk coach, on the significance of his appointment to the club’s board of directors: “What it means is the vote to fire me never will be unanimous.”

Irving Rudd, boxing publicist, told by a friend that Howard Cosell is his own worst enemy: “Not while I’m alive.”

Joaquin Andujar of the Oakland A’s, walking away from the team’s stretching drill: “Babe Ruth never stretched.”

Bo Schembechler, Michigan football coach, on losing 20 pounds since last season: “I lost weight through dedication, hard work and perseverance. Also, there was a big bet involved.”

Chi Chi Rodriguez, senior golfer, on his nationality: “My name used to be O’Connor, but I changed it for business reasons.”

Bill Lyon, Philadelphia Inquirer columnist: “If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.”

Betsy Cronkite, told that husband Walter’s secret wish was to die on a 60-foot yacht with a 16-year-old mistress at his side: “He’s more likely to die on a 16-foot yacht with a 60-year-old mistress.”